Did I Say That? Suburban true grit

Lawlessness is spreading through the suburbs. Landscapers and homeowners in our troubled land are wielding leaf blowers like weapons of minor destruction, sending grass clippings and debris onto the sidewalks and into the streets. Usually my street. And in three months, these same miscreants will be pushing snow from their driveways into the path of school buses and senior citizen … read more

Did I Say That? Those rascally varmints

Last week, our neighbor gave us a casualty report from the frontlines in the war on woodchucks. He sustained heavy losses in hand-to-hand combat. Peppers, zucchini, cucumbers … all gone. His garden has been leveled. It was a scorched earth assault, and he feared another attack was imminent. These woodchucks are fierce fighters, and lately they’ve been calling up reinforcements … read more

Did I Say That? Keeping cool

After 30 years, I finally bought an air conditioner. Thirty years of torment, tossing and turning at night, perspiring and panting. Thirty years of discomfort and pain, trying to devise ways to stay cool, especially when we lived in Florida. OK, maybe I exaggerate. Truth be told, I decided the dog couldn’t live without air conditioning. I wasn’t worried about … read more

Did I Say That? Sloppy science

I didn’t take physics in high school because I was afraid it would tarnish my academic record and keep me from getting into the college of my choice with the greatest opportunity for partying. Nevertheless, I developed a scientific theory that could qualify me for the Nobel Prize in Physics if not the Nobel Prize in Stupidity. Using the same … read more

Did I Say That? The summer smog

Summer’s here, a time of magic and fun, a time when my neighbors observe an ancient nocturnal ritual that goes back to the Celts — they sit around fire pits like Brownies on their first camporee, singing, laughing and gossiping while the flames leap into the sky and sparks swirl through the darkness. And the rest of us live in … read more